Scripture Case Pattern

Monday, February 22, 2010

Socially Awkward


   Have any of you seen Ghost Town with Ricky Gervais?  Pretty hilarious.  Ricky Gervais' character, Dr. Pincus, is pretty much the most socially awkward person ever.  I thought I was, but he definitely trumps me.  I was watching it the other night, thinking that I could be a lot worse, which was somewhat comforting.  

   You see, I have a problem.  It didn't use to be a problem of mine, but since I've gotten married, I've forgotten how to act in social situations, how to make friends or how to even carry on a conversation.  Family members, neighbors, church acquaintances, ect. are constantly falling victim to my extreme awkwardness, and to those of you who have had to suffer through it, I am terribly sorry. 

 It used to be so easy for me to make friends.  I knew how to carry on a conversation and make people feel comfortable and occasionally laugh.  Flash forward 5 years, and now I can clear a room in 2 minutes, or at least have people wishing they could leave. :(  Seriously.  It's pretty pathetic.  For some reason, I can't stand voids in a conversation, so against my better judgment, I say something to fill that void, and 9 times out of 10, it's with something extremely awkward/boring or with something that comes out completely wrong and I end up crying and fretting about it once I'm out of that person's presence.  No joke.  Ask Tim.  He'll vouch for me (it happens about twice a week).  I'll get home, be lying in the bed next to him, replaying what I said.  He'll laugh at me.  I'll laugh a little too, asking "why did I say that!?" or "why couldn't I have made that come out right?"  And then I'll cry because I feel completely embarrassed and awful for embarrassing, hurting, or just making someone feel uncomfortable (and usually someone that I adore and love and I just want to like me too) when my intentions were completely opposite or it was just because I have a problem with word vomit.  Yes, word vomit, like on Mean Girls (only one of the best movies ever).  In almost every conversation I have with people, I have a constant internal struggle over whether I should say something or not, and for some reason, when I really don't want to say anything, the words come tumbling out. It sucks.  Luckily the friends I made before this annoying problem cropped up laugh at me when I get a little awkward, which then allows me to laugh at myself and then the awkward situation fizzles out and I'm over it.  

I wish things were different.  It's been a goal of mine for a while now to fix this problem of mine...to learn how to socialize again, but  unfortunately, the problem is getting worse.  I'll start talking to someone (anyone) or they'll start talking to me and the anxiety starts.  I start worrying about making a fool out of myself by saying something wrong/stupid/lame.  The anxiety builds up and starts to manifest itself with me becoming awkward which then makes the other person feel awkward and uncomfortable which then makes me even more anxious and it just continues until they have enough guts to finally end the conversation and walk away.  

Help me, people!  How do I stop being so lame!?  How do I make friends again??  If you happen to become victim to my awkwardness, PLEASE laugh at me or call me out so I can then laugh at myself and get over my anxiety.  I promise it will be a win-win situation.  And I also promise I'm not a complete idiot or totally boring.  I can be quite fun occasionally.  Just give me a try...or five.

7 comments:

Katie said...

Oh Trishy! You're so not the only one it that boat. I am right there with you and it's always with the person I want to impress the most that stupid things come out of my mouth. You can always do what Janna does when she says something weird or awkward...she just walks away without explanation because she's to embarassed to face what she just said. It's kinda funny.

Erin and Paul Anderson said...

I thought this post was pretty funny because I think that it is pretty common to kind of have to 're-learn' how to be normal in a social interaction after you've been married for a while.
You see, I think we are so used to being around our spouses and being so comfortable that we say whatever is on our minds. Then we forget that that is not how normal social interactions are.
Let me tell you what, I'm definitely guilty of this! I do end up fretting about it for a little while, but then I just have to say 'oh well' and try to remember not to share that info. in the next social encounter.
You're not alone. :)
I do have to say that I really like your blog, though, because I feel that you are very honest and raw. There are not a lot of blogs out there where people are not afraid to be real. People don't like to let their guards down. Kudos to you.

mizkylie said...

I have a hard time believing this, you are a very fun person! Remember when evil Theresa form Walmart made us clean up garbage outside in teh heat and we laughed so hard the whole time, or when we would run carts in and ride on them and customers thought we were crazy?! You are a wonderful person and anyone is lucky to be in the presence of you. I am sure you are WAY too hard on yourself. I love you!

Teandra said...

You're not an idiot or boring! Even when i hadn't talked to you for more than 5 years.

Lindsay said...

That's too funny...I thought the same thing about myself the other night after being with my sister-in-law...why on earth do I say idiotic things just to fill in the conversation gaps? I always regret it and they must think I'm so stupid. I feel ya. If you ever find a fix, let us know!

tamir said...

oh gosh...it's people like you that make us hurt!

i made a new friend in the ward. asked her what her major was at byu. speech pathology. oh whats that, i ask. she replies-what! are you serious. you don't know. you are the first person who's asked that.

oh lovely. i reply thats because everyone else is too afraid to ask... (while i'm feeling retarded. perhaps i too should have just pretended i knew what she was talkin about.)

sheeesh. social awkwardness relieved by my ability to just brush off her insult....to her face.

but still, sheeesh.

though i know i'm far from immune to making awkward comments. i too have felt bad for saying stupid things.but i thought i'd share someon else's blunder with ya.

Ali said...

I'm sure it's not that bad. Although I too have felt that after marriage something went downhill in that category. I think it's because we are no longer in adult situations most of our day. We are home with kids and no longer practicing daily in social situations. I've just figured I've got a few more years of it and then maybe as my kids get older and I get out more things will get better again.